- 23rd November
- 23rd November
This has been a post.
- 22nd November
I apologize in advance for any of the following-
- Total silence
- Posts so often that my blog may as well be Twitter
- Emo posts like whoa
- Angry posts like whoa
- PTSD fueled nonsensical posts
- Dissociated posts that are very…something
- 21st November
- 13th November
- 6th November
- 4th November
- 1st November
See, that’s what is wrong with me. I sob over things that I have no personal connection to. Something bad happens and people get hurt or killed…and I end up sitting around sobbing or rocking in a closet.
I’d say it’s some weird PTSD trigger thing, especially over guns, but that just…that doesn’t even make sense.
- 24th October
- More than a dozen staples in his back
- Having to wear an e-collar 24/7
- Being on strict ‘bed rest’/’containment’
- Not being allowed to eat ‘real’ food, just rice & broth
- Physical therapy
We did our first session of hydrotherapy this afternoon & he was flat out pissed. This dog was legit willing to stand there & drown as opposed even using his ‘good’ legs to swim. He just stood there & glared until I picked him up 4 inches from the bottom of the pool then he hate paddled for a bit.
It was at that moment that I realized my service dog really is an extension of me, all the way down to fighting physical therapy when something as necessary as walking is impossible.
This dog was trained far too well. Far. Too. Well.
- 21st October
I’ve been told I cannot see him tonight because he just woke up from surgery, & since he is bonded to me on a level higher than that of a ‘companion animal’ he will sense my high anxiety/triggered state & his training will try to kick in & ‘comfort’ me. If that happens he’ll get worked up & try to move around, & then having me leave less than an hour later will end up triggering extreme anxiety on his end & just…as badly as I need him to be able to do something as simple as sleep or not dissociate during the day, I don’t wanna upset him or make him hurt himself.
I’d rather be totally miserable & go another day with no sleep than chance him hurting himself in an attempt to ‘help’ me.
I have issues.
- 15th October
So, once upon a time there was a girl. At the time she didn’t classify what was going on in her life as ‘stalking’, ‘abuse’, ‘gas lighting’, or any other thing aside from having a ‘concerned friend’ that was ‘worried’ about her & the relationship she was in at the time.
When her boyfriend started getting emails telling him to dump her/disappear/pretend he never met her or he would be hurt/killed, it was from a person claiming to be her ‘concerned friend’s’ good buddy. The girl had no reason at the time to think it was anybody other than who they said they were.
Why would she think her ‘concerned friend’ was pretending to be somebody else & threatening the person she was dating? Who thinks that way? Who assumes the worst possible thing about others?
And long story short, that girl that didn’t assume people were lying when they claimed to be somebody nearly died at the hands of their ‘friend’. That girl still doesn’t sleep at night. That girl is still afraid of pretty much everything, & can’t have ‘normal’ friendships or relationships because of all of it.
On that note, I’m done with the interwebz & the world in general.
- 15th October
You just moved up about a million degrees on the ‘creepy as fuck’ scale by making this episode.
Maybe that’s because I’ve dealt with an ‘actual’, ‘certified’ stalker that’s pretended to be a variety of different people over the years…but holy fuck there’s like, PTSD triggers galore within the first 10 minutes.
- 8th October
Woah woah i just got 15 messages for saying “anxiety is an excuse” i meant that not in an abusive way? Or in any ignorant way. I meant “anxiety is an excuse”, as in the label gives those with anxiety issues sort of like a fall-back to be more socially regressive. So say, if there was a level of anxiety that happens to you on a daily basis, being labelled as having anxiety issues (may) make that person even more anxious because they think of themselves as bearing those issues. I also have some degree of anxiety issues and sometimes I feel like I don’t try hard enough to approach people because I’ve been labelled with this “anxiety”. Do you see where I’m coming from?
Of course I know that anxiety is a real issue and a real mental disorder. You don’t have to agree with me but that’s my piece of mind.
I’m not going to change a comment I made on my blog because it makes you see me in a certain way. Thats not the way I am.
And I am sorry if I offended any of you with anxiety issues (It was late, I can’t remember what I added that comment to. And, it was more of a comment for myself- to come out of my shell- and was not intended to be directed at anyone else that post included)
- To the 15 people who messaged me (And to person/ or people who should calm down before raging on anon)
See, I’m not gonna message you on anon, I’m not gonna message you at all.
Please explain to me how my OCD, GAD, PTSD, agoraphobia, & panic disorder give me a way to have a fall-back to being socially regressive? I have days where simply leaving my home is literally the most terrifying thing on the planet…no matter how badly I want to go get shit done, getting dizzy, puking my guts out, & then feeling like I cannot breathe to the point that I have to be sedated kinda overpower that desire. Do you really think that there are days I wake up & am like ‘fuck it, I just don’t feel like dealing with the world right now…I’m gonna say it’s anxiety’…’cause there is yet to be a day that it has gone that way.
I work my ass off every single day to not be so ‘anxious’. I don’t know what it feels like to *not* have anxiety. That shit isn’t a fall-back, an excuse, or blowing things out of proportion, that’s real flippin’ life. So yeah, sorry if I’m a bit irked that for whatever reason, (at whatever time of day, during whatever phase of the lunar cycle, or any other ‘whatever’ you can come up with), you decided to take a post with literally hundreds of thousands of notes (many of them from sufferers of different forms/levels of anxiety) & throw in an ‘anxiety is an excuse’.
You don’t have to ‘take it back’. You can ‘stand by your statement’…but your statement is ignorant as fuck.
Thank you & good night.
- 26th September
I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through the whole season premier of SVU in one sitting, for obvious reasons…
Because sociopaths, especially ones that get away with terribly violent things…they trigger me in all kinds of ways.
But if I can watch it, even in segments, I’m stronger than I was a year ago, a million times stronger than I was 2 years ago, & a billion times stronger than I was 3 years ago.
- 24th September