This bitch needs that shit. I’ve been using it for years. I don’t care what letter is sitting next to your name in Congress…don’t dick around with the shit I’ve used to try to protect myself the past few years.
Up until 2010 if I wasn’t feature dancing I was doing the whole traveling model thing. It was fun. I met & worked with some amazing people along the way. Then….the things that shall not be named happened & I had to stop doing a lot of the things I love, including a lot of the traveling.
I think I am going to try to do some traveling modeling over the next few months. Not like, a million miles from home (hey, I’m still paranoid as hell-for good reason-& that whole agoraphobia thing does like to kick my ass on occasion), but to like…cities and states within an 8 hour or less drive from ‘home’.
Like Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, STL, parts of AL…wherever else I can think of that has some photographers that’ll work with me & stuff.
So…photographers, show a chick some love. Models, I won’t hate you if you help point me in a good direction. People in general…help a chick out. Ginger just wants to be able to work like a ‘normal’ person doing something she loves before her body decides she can’t do it anymore.
The past 2 years of my life have been hell. Eff that. I’m refusing to just sit back and take it anymore. I’m gonna fight. Fight to live. Fight to work. Fight for….everything.
To the 31 of you that (in a totally backwards way) just kinda told me you’re totally cool with me dying….
I don’t care what party a person is part of, or any of that bullshit, but if the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) is fucked with I’m going to be rage-y. That damn law is part of the reason I am still alive. It’s particularly helpful to me since I travel across state lines on a regular basis & some state laws are worse/looser than the ones in TN. (Which, when you think about it, a state has to have some super lax laws to be worse than the ones TN uses.) So umm…can the law that is still used to help keep me above ground not be a bargaining chip for any other ‘cause’? That’d be nice.
I’m just sayin’.
But you can’t change the channel…because you know the ‘bad’ guy gets caught in the end…and that’s what you need to see right now.
It takes a lot to make me snap, but you crossed that line at that very moment. How fucking DARE you? You’re a coward. A fucking coward. I will never give you the satisfaction of writing/speaking your name publicly. EVER.
Know what else happened that day? I made a promise to myself, & to my baby boy….and it was to never, ever give up. I won’t. You may have broken me, but I’ve got motherfuckin’ superglue in mass quantities. I don’t care how long it takes, I will put myself & my life back together.
Fuck. You.
After work tonight I’m going to set some things in my queue, but for the most part I’m taking a self-care vacation for at least a few days. I need a few days of nothingness.
And let’s be real, if I won’t write about it here…that should tell y’all something that’s like mixing a hurricane with a tornado is about to hit.
On April 10, 2010 I was in Portland, OR featuring. I spent that day before work book shopping at Powell’s, walking around the Pearl District, and generally enjoying life. That day, April 10, is the last date I remember being ‘free’, and not being terrified of every single thing on the planet.
It’s the last time I felt ‘safe’. It’s the last time I remember being able to sleep more than a couple hours at a time. The last time I had the facade of having some kind of control over my life. I’d do anything to go back to that date and stay there forever….
Y’all are gonna have to bear with me the next few weeks, shit is about to go downhill fast. I’m gonna keep it together for my booking in Ohio this weekend, but after that all bets are off.
jwisser replied to your post: That awkward moment when…
To be clear, what I liked is the fact that you made some people consider reality instead of making stupid jokes about things that hurt people.
#TextMessagesFromAStalker is trending on Twitter, so you post verbatim a few of the ones you’ve gotten from the person that really has stalked you, & people get all ‘Well that’s just kinda depressing Ginger. Why would you post stuff like that?’
See internet, shit’s all fun and games until somebody who lives every day in fear, looking over her shoulder takes your hashtag and gets all truthy.
This must be what I look like every time I hear a car or noise outside. My hyper-vigilance is a scary thing. But neccessary.
Every. Single. Time.
Well, unless I throw myself to the floor and low crawl to the nearest ‘I can see them but they can’t see me’ spot. Hyper-vigilance…..it kinda controls me.
(Source: mollyyyoc)
Just in case it needs to be used for self-protection. Yeah, I’ve done it. And I have cans of it all over the place. It’s one of those ‘just in case I get ambushed and need to get away from my stalker, etc.’ type things.
Wasp spray=yes.
At one point I was told that I ‘deserve’ to have lupus & any other illnesses I deal with because I’m a terrible friend, an awful person, & my body is punishing me for being ‘ugly’ on the inside.
And now it runs on repeat in my head, especially on days where I feel especially crappy.
Tags are important.
Asked by: chemicalsbetweenus
To be 100% honest, it seems like most of us just want people to take us seriously. Being somebody that listens without judging, & tries to understand that sometimes we don’t have words that express how we feel about what we’re dealing with, but the fear, the terror….it is real.
Our lives tend to become a giant fight for survival, & trying to find people/places that are ‘safe’ can become exhausting if you spend 24/7 not knowing what may happen next. We’re not in control of our own lives, we have to change…because the stalker sure as hell isn’t going to. So yeah, a lot of us are a hot mess, but for damn good reasons.
So I guess, patience & being taken seriously are pretty dern helpful in the grand scheme of things.
