- 30th November
- 3rd November
Abusers are really good at finding people who have already been groomed to view abuse as ‘normal’. So please don’t wonder how someone could have been abused more than once and say shit like abuse survivors should know better.
It’s not unheard of for survivors to go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. Abuse has been so normalized for so many people that there is this deep rooted suspicion that all relationships are abusive. That everyone is faking it just like you’re faking it. That no one actually has non-toxic relationships. And that’s a type of coping mechanism right there, isn’t it?
Then there’s also the fact that survivors have complicated feelings towards their abusers. Sometimes we love our abusers. Sometimes we are dependent on our abusers and feel indebted. Sometimes we know it is abuse but we don’t know if anyone will take our side and help us. People would rather turn away then help us. Sometimes people would rather help cover up the abuse because it’s less messy.
Sometimes these messy feelings keep us from realizing we’re being abused, even if we know the cycle of abuse, even if we’ve tried to help friends in messy relationships. It can’t be abuse, we’re in love. It can’t be abuse, he takes care of us. It can’t be abuse because I can’t see myself as someone being abused. Etc, etc, etc.
- 1st July
HUGE TRIGGER WARNING FOR VICTIMS!
- Are you sure it happened?
- I don’t think that really happened.
- You’re exaggerating.
- You’re just using it as an excuse.
- You’re just saying that to get out doing something.
- They just lost control, you should forgive them.
- If you dressed differently, it wouldn’t have happened.
- I don’t believe you.
- You’re just saying that to get attention.
- Why would you try to ruin their reputation like that?
- They didn’t do that, they are a nice person!
- But he is such a nice guy!
- God is just punishing you for thinking about sex.
- That only happened because you are a slut.
- That only happened because you are bad at having sex.
- Well, you can’t say not after you already start kissing!
- Stop making such a big deal out of it!
- They only hit you because you have some bad qualities!
- God wants you to submit.
- It’s karma, did you ever do that to someone before?
- Well, you shouldn’t be alone!
- Stop provoking people!
- I believed you until you said it happened more than once.
- What?! That stuff doesn’t really happen.
- You MADE me hurt you.
- You MADE me do this.
- 9th February